“Ni de aqui, ni de alla,” or “neither from here, nor there,” is a phrase that Latine Americans are accustomed to hearing on either side of the border. While one side may shut you out by saying that you’re doing too much for your culture, the other may say that you aren’t doing enough to represent it no matter what you do. The experience of being Latine in the U.S. includes the merging of two cultures – two cultures that can either accept or reject you for who you are.
Learning to gain independence for your family at a young age, being told you have more privilege for living in the states, working twice as hard to get a proper education just like everyone else, being diminished for traits that you have or don’t have and constantly being reminded that you’re from a different culture wherever you are. These are just some of the reasons why Latines may yearn for a sense of belonging, while also maintaining to stay true to themselves and their identity.
Kate Felipe is a first-generation college student who’s in her third year of studying history and Chicane studies at San Diego State University along with being vice president of the Latinx Student Union (LSU), and she said she is accustomed to invalidation by others in pursuing a higher education, but she doesn’t let the challenges limit her greater potential in letting her voice be heard.
“I began asking more questions to receive help in my upper division courses, but I have seen that some professors who are not my ethnicity dismiss me and my words and seem to pay more attention to my white classmates,” Felipe said. “I make it a point to bother them even more with questions so they can grow accustomed to me and the huge amount of space I plan to take up. I am actively fighting for my people's voices in many spaces.”
Felipe had to learn English quickly in order to translate for her family, but as she progressed more in learning a second language, she was criticized by her own community who were dismissive of her progress.
“As I began to read more and learn new vocabulary, my Latinidad was attacked. I was once again told that I ‘spoke like a white girl,’ completely invalidating all of my hard work to learn the English language,” Felipe said. “Still to this day some people are surprised that I speak either English so well, or even speak Spanish at all because of the level of English I speak.”
Jennifer Murillo, a third-year criminal justice major with a counseling and social change minor at SDSU and outreach coordinator of LSU, has also dealt with people telling her she doesn’t speak “correct Spanish” or “perfect English,” yet she has embraced a community that’s gone through the same struggles with the language barrier and that also makes her feel like she belongs.
Murillo said she has had struggles with dealing with imposter syndrome as she’s pursuing a higher education in an environment that she feels isn’t structured to specifically help Latine individuals.
“This system isn’t built for people that are like me. We had to navigate on our own, had to make sure we are heard, feel like we belong, and feel like we are truly there for a reason and not just because we are a statistic,” Murillo said. “I have dealt with imposter syndrome since I got into higher education. This is a constant struggle because we attend a predominantly white institution where we don’t see people that look like us or come from the same background.”
Dr. Consuelo Salas, assistant professor of rhetoric and writing studies at SDSU, has had to face educational obstacles on her own in order to get the level of education she desired for her career.
“It was kind of me doing it and figuring it out on my own and not always getting it right when I first went through it because it was kind of like I didn’t have anybody as a model to see like how did they do it and do it well?” Salas said.
Salas recalls a moment in her undergraduate career when her mom had asked her where she was learning different English terms than what she had been exposed to. Salas’ parents raised her to mostly speak English at home while also integrating Spanish in her vocabulary, but there was a point in time when Salas had a more advanced level of English than her family which felt strange for her initially.
“My Spanish was also not their Spanish because I grew up speaking a lot of Spanglish, a lot of slang and shortcuts or terms that don’t translate, so it was kind of like in some ways they didn’t actually know what I was saying,” Salas said. “My Spanish isn’t great, but then also my English makes me feel different.”
Trying to gain acceptance and find a space for yourself in a society you’re not a part of is hard enough as it is, but what if at the same time your own community you were brought up in doesn’t value your efforts in finding your identity? Latine Americans oftentimes face backlash from others in the Latine community who feel that they are rejecting their Latine identity for trying to fit in with American society.
Inez Rosales, a third-year political science major at University of California Irvine, has had to face criticism from her own family, as she’s the cousin who lives “en el otro lado” (on the other side).
“(My family) mentioned I should be referring to myself as ‘American-Mexican’ because I was born in the states so I shouldn’t put Mexico first, invalidating my Mexican identity,” Rosales said. “While the love of my family from Mexico trumps any comments they made about me, I was definitely the outsider.”
Despite all of these obstacles, Latinidad is a way of self expression that can be embraced differently by all Latines.
Isabel Torres, Latinx Resource Center Assistant Coordinator, chooses to speak Spanish and then translate what she says even with people who don’t speak the language, as she believes that Spanish is a beautiful language that cannot be directly translated into English phrases.
“I always tell everybody ‘soy Mexicana de corazón’ and I will take that everywhere with me. I also tell them ‘Mexicana hasta las chanclas’ because everywhere I go you will automatically be able to tell that I am Mexican,” Torres said. “I try my best to be as authentic as possible and to show up how I am and if people don’t like it, if my values don’t align with theirs then that’s not the place for me.”
To find a balance in between two cultures takes more perseverance through societal, educational, and familial expectations, but the result of finding one’s place in a community is certainly rewarding to one’s identity.
Murillo said, “As much as people tell you that you belong in both, it is very hard to truly feel like you belong. I am an esquina (corner) that holds on to both parts of my communities into my identity.”
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